The Battle in My Brain

Please note, time references in this post are not necessarily in “real time.”

Yesterday, I had a dark spell. Those of you who also deal with chronic illness know what I’m talking about. For those of you who don’t, it’s a time when my mind becomes a scary place. Every depressing thought I can think comes out. I know they’re not true. I know they’re lies. I know the truth to combat them. It doesn’t stop the battle from coming. The military has all of the equipment, training, and ammunition it needs to face and defeat the enemy, but that doesn’t mean the battle doesn’t come. The worst part about these battles is that I am the only one who can fight them. I am the one who must make the choice to trust God and submit myself to His plan. No one else can do that for me.

And, honestly, though other people try to help at times, their help is sometimes no help at all. They are trying to help because they care about me, I know; but reminding me that “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28)—again—isn’t going to help me much. I’ve already reminded myself of that—several times. What I need to focus on and to be reminded of is who my God is and why I must submit to Him. In fact, this is exactly how God responded to Job’s pity party. Towards the end of the book, Job had been questioning God, and God pointed Job to creation and showed Job how powerful and in control He is. Perhaps the most rebuking part—to me at least—of God’s rebuke of Job is in Job 40:2: “Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? He that reproveth God, let him answer it.” Job was finding fault with God for allowing him to go through his trial, but then God reminded Job of who He is. He is God Almighty, the One who created the universe and holds it under control. How dare Job question His ways? How dare I?

So when those dark times come—because they will—I need to be prepared. I need to have already learned who my God is so that I can remind myself during those times. He loves me with an everlasting, unconditional love; He will never leave me to face my battles alone; He gives me His strength to submit to His plan. That’s what I needed yesterday and will most likely need again soon. But I am ready for battle.

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