The Worry of Being Well

I saw my doctor again this week. He was very pleased with how well I’m doing. I am, too. I haven’t had a truly bad day in a very long time. And I am very, very grateful. But I have this fear lurking behind my gratefulness. I have had really good spells before—some lasting over a year or more—but I’ve always ended up really sick again. I’m afraid this is just another of those lulls and I’ll end up just as bad off as I was before. The thing I hate most about my HM is the unpredictability of it. I could be perfectly fine for a very long time then suddenly end up unable to get out of bed on my own. Even when I’m doing well, I have to live prepared to suddenly not be well. And I struggle with worry. Constantly.

But as I deal with this fear, I remember what Jesus said to His disciples about worry (I know this is long, but this passage is one of my favorites):

“Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? . . . for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself” (Matthew 6:25-34).

I can’t worry about what will happen tomorrow or the next day or next month or next year. I need to focus only on today. If I end up sick again, God will give me the strength and grace and comfort I need to get through it again. He has in the past. I know He will in the future.

Worrying reveals my lack of trust in my God. Instead of focusing on what could happen, my focus needs to be on what I know to be true about my God and on how well I am living for His kingdom now. My highest priority needs to be giving God glory and becoming more like Christ. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

So, while I remain aware of the possibility that I could not be well again in the blink of an eye, I need to rejoice in the blessing that God has given me to be well now. I need to focus on being grateful today and on praising God today for His goodness to me.

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