The Nine-Year Blessing

Nine years ago today, I had my first HM attack. The journey since was not one I ever imagined taking. Like all journeys, there have been ups and downs. There have been detours and delays. Through it all, though, my “navigational system”—my God—has been faithful.

God was faithful when I had to unexpectedly postpone my senior year of college.

God was faithful when I had to learn to live with new restrictions on my diet. (I have the hardest time being content not eating regular bread and pasta and cookies or ice cream and chocolate!)

God was faithful when I had to take a leave of absence for a whole quarter after I started teaching because of a major HM attack.

God was faithful when He led me to my headache specialist because of that HM attack.

God was faithful when I was put on a medication that made sent me into depression and made me suicidal.

God was faithful when I finally received a diagnosis after 6.5 years of not knowing what was wrong with me.

God was faithful when I had to resign from teaching because of another major HM attack.

God was faithful when that particular attack took me back to Mom and Dad’s so I could learn of the functional neurologist who has helped me so much.

God was faithful when He allowed me to find the perfect job this past May.

I have seen God work through the good times and the bad these last nine years. He has used them to teach me about Himself. Because of what I have seen in the past, I know He will continue to be faithful in the future.

My reflection on God’s faithfulness to me over the past years is rather convicting. I know God has been and always will be faithful. But have I been faithful to Him? I can’t say that I have been. I am constantly questioning His plan for me. I have begged Him to change the plan. I have been rebellious and bitter. I have been self-focused. I forget to be grateful for the blessings He has given me, focusing instead on the struggles. I worry. I whine.

That’s not who I want to be. I am praying that this next year with my HM that I will be more grateful. More focused on bringing glory to God through my life. More focused on encouraging others in their walk with God (or to begin walking with Him, as the case may be). More trusting that God’s plan for my life is perfect.

Life is a journey. And sometimes that journey takes us places we wouldn’t choose to go ourselves. But it’s those places that teach us the most about ourselves and—more importantly—about who our God is. They are not a burden. They are a blessing.

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