Lights… Medicine… Action!

I am convinced that coping with a chronic illness should get some kind of acting award. It’s easier to hide the pain or the brain fog as much as possible than to deal with the questions and sometimes pity from other people. So, I act as if I’m fine.

That response reveals my heart. I’m acting because I can’t be bothered with people who care about me, and that’s just plain selfish.

Sometimes, it’s ok to act. But the question is this: Why am I acting? Why don’t I want people to know I’m struggling?

There can be many root reasons for this.

Selfishness

I could be hiding my struggle out of selfishness. I don’t want to deal with others’ response to my suffering. Or, I don’t want to be hurt by their response (or lack of response) to my suffering. I don’t want other people to know the details of my life (and they don’t necessarily need to—but do I have a bad attitude about it?).

That’s just plain ol’ selfish. (And I’ve already revealed I struggle here…)

Pride

I could be hiding my struggle out of pride. I don’t want other people to know I’m weak. Maybe, I want the people who do know I’m suffering to think I’m ultra-spiritual because I’m suffering in silence.

Pride can work both ways, though. I could be proud in letting people know I’m struggling. I could be seeking the attention that a visible trial often brings. Or, again, I may want people to think I’m so spiritual because I’m handling this trial—y’all, pray for me!—in such a godly way.

That’s all pride.

Fear

I could be hiding my struggle out of fear. I may be afraid that other people will think I’m an inferior Christian if they know I’m struggling with a specific issue (depression or suicidal thoughts, for example). I could be afraid that others will react to my trial the way Job’s friends reacted to his and assume the trial is a result of sin in my life.

This all boils down to fear (mostly the fear of man).

Love

I could also be hiding my struggle out of love for others. The people around me are more important than what I am dealing with at that moment. If others know, they wouldn’t be able to do anything, so I’m not going to burden them with me but focus on them.

This one is sticky because we are told to pray for each other.

• Ephesians 6:18 – Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
• 1 Thessalonians 5:25 – Brethren, pray for us.
• James 5:14–16 – Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

So, my conclusion is this: I need to humbly mention my struggle for prayer, be honest when asked about it, and examine my motives for my acting. Why don’t I want people to know? If it’s because it won’t change anything and may burden them, then fine. But if I’m hiding out of pride or fear, I need to change something.

It’s ok to act, but my motive needs to be God-honoring.

Anyone else feel like they should be nominated for an Academy Award?