When Life Explodes

I don’t write on here often, and a lot of life happens in between posts. But a month ago, it felt like my life exploded. I had my first seizure in years. When it was over, I sobbed. Part of that was the effects of the seizure. Part of it was the disappointment and grief at the loss of control over this area of my health. Yet even though my seizures are back and out of control for the moment, I still know that God is good and He loves me.

He Has Redeemed Me

God proved His love for me by providing a plan to reconcile me to Himself. As 1 John 4:9-10 says, “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” Having perfect health cannot do that. Being seizure free cannot do that. Only Jesus’ work on the cross can redeem me from my life of sin.

He Has Provided Grace to Endure

No matter what God has asked me to face—whether it’s complicated migraines or long COVID or difficult relationships—He has always provided the grace to endure. “No temptation has overtaken (me) that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let (me) be tempted beyond (my) ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that (I) may be able to endure it” (1 Cor. 10:13). The means of grace are His Word, prayer, and fellowship with other believers. Each provides encouragement to keep going when I want to give up.

He Has Always Been and Always Will Be with Me

My God will never leave me. No matter how alone I feel or how dark the days may seem, God is always there. One of my favorite passages is Psalm 139:7-12, “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”

The passage goes on to discuss how fearfully and wonderfully we are created. So even if I have a health issue that makes my consciousness retreat inside and “ignore”—for lack of a better word since I’m still conscious—most external stimuli, God has not left and will never leave me.

This is my hope. This is the truth I cling to.